no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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