So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
