...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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