So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
This beer is not sobering me up at all
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im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
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Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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