Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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