some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
