Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
