did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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