I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize