this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
