i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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