So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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