smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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