why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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