I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
