I accidentally had phone sex last night
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Those nachos came to me in a dream
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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