I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
