I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
