tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
