I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
