sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
