The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Randomize
