she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
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I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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