guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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