Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Randomize
