Quick, to the slutcave!
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
