apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
