TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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