Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
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