You can't motorboat a personality
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
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