so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Randomize
