My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
