yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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