burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
