You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
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