I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
