best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Randomize
