I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
