you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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