how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
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