we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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