What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
