I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
So here I am, sexting at work.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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