Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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