Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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