We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
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Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
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It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
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