o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
