overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
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