if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
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