The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
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I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
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How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
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