Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
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