the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
