he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
