I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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