Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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