i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
