Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
