imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
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