Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
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